As a young believer in this day and age, I see a lot. Usually never saying anything, just observing and processing it all. I mean, it would be a bit tiring, not to mention foolish to speak on EVERYTHING you see. But the topics I choose to communicate an opinion on, are always ones that I believe will be edifying for other young women.That will always be my agenda—thoughts that have been in submission to what God says, not my peers, not the government, basically in the words of the great Keith Sweat:
Not too long ago, on Facebook, I noticed a lot of statuses, describing what seemed to be a human wish list, ending with the hashtag, ‘#dear future husband’. I didn’t really pay much attention to it, because, well, i’ll be real–Facebook is my LEAST favorite social media platform. But then, I hopped over to Twitter, where I follow a load of young, bright, beautiful, women of God, only to notice the same trend!
Some of them went like this:
Disclaimer: I am in NO way throwing jabs at any of the people behind these posts, I’ve blurred their info to ensure no miscommunication–I just wanted to give some examples of the posts I saw:
Now, when I looked at these posts, initially, quite a few things ran through my head. Here’s a few:
Post time thinking, praying, and just continuing to read over more posts similar to these, this blog post was born!
I absolutely understand why these kind of posts are in existence, trust me, I get it. We all want to give and receive love. But I hope you’ll allow me to offer up an angle towards the whole hashtag phenomenon that I’m sure will be rare and unpopular. (But ya’ll know I don’t care 😘 lol).
#dearfuturehusband is faith building, okay, but also very UNHEALTHY spiritually. How? Glad you asked!
3 Main Reasons #dearfuturehusband May Be Unhealthy Towards Your Spiritual Growth:
1. False expectations for your REAL future husband could form.
- Ladies. Imma be real for a second. Some of these posts sound good. Like REAL good! I was browsing through them thinking, “Yasss, Lawd, make my husband just like THIS!”. But then, I stopped myself, and realized–my husband won’t be JUST like this, and most likely yours won’t either.
- Why not? Because God doesn’t give us what we THINK we need or even WANT all the time. He gives us what He SOVEREIGNLY knows we need.
- And how could you possibly create this ideal husband in your head—a carbon copy, if you will—of something so unique to each woman and the complexities of her life. It’s NOT POSSIBLE.
- There is no such thing as the “model husband”. All of us are flawed individuals, attempting to serve a perfect God at the end of the day.
- Don’t expect your husband to meet any criteria that would set himself up as “perfect” in your eyes. Let’s just say you get this flawless man, you might have to give him up–because God won’t allow anyone or anything to take precedence in your heart over Him (trust me on this one!).
- So rest, sis. There is no perfect man, and the 1 God has for you will most certainly work your nerves to complete loss of memory of these hashtags! lol
- Believe that God already knows you like all of the things you like–He knows our every want & desire. But most importantly, He knows what we need.
2. It can be distracting to your single walk.
- As I write this to you, the fact is clear–I’m single too boo! lol So, understand I know the feels. I’m not 1 of those singles ministries that tells you how to feel, how to think, and then packs up and heads home to my hubs and kids! No girl, I’m single forreal, lol! 😂
- All that to say, we have enough distractions as it is trying to live like Christ in a world that is against everything He stands for. Why add to your stress and worry by living in the future?!
- As a single, there can be priceless waves of contentment, and also disheartening tides of eagerness. I get it. But if I’m honest, I can recall many times when I wasn’t even thinking about my baselessness, and BOOM! I run across one of these posts (#dearfuturehusband), or one where another believer is talking about singlessness/marriage ad nauseum. And I’m just like:
- The point is, it totally put my mind on the fact that I was single, lol. We have to stop doing this. While I think it is important and relevant to discuss marriage and godly dating, I don’t think everyone has been called to minister about it, and certainly not as frequently.
- It can be distracting to the young women earnestly out here trying to live holy, love ppl better, and work hard in building their careers. We don’t need the constant reminders–no matter the subtly of expression.
3. Discrete anxiety & impatience is created.
- You ever notice how the more something comes up, the more you think about it–even when it’s not being brought up.
- It’s very basic, the repetition principle, psychologically speaking, but we won’t go there. Just know that the more someone talks about something, even if you don’t engage in conversation with them on the subject, you’re brain is still gonna let that thought hang out for a few days. This is how advertisements, movie premieres, loads of things work.
- As you continually talk about what your #futurehusband is and should be like, through repetition, you’re creating anxiety in your spirit. You most likely will start to fantasize about what the day ya’ll meet will be like. What he’ll be wearing…what he’ll say….all the babies you finna have, lol, x/y/z (I know, lol!)
Philippians 4:6-7New King James Version (NKJV)
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
- The word of God says to be anxious (eager) for nothing! No matter how hard it may get, we have to guard our hearts against our flesh and it’s demands. At the end of the day (and this life) we are spiritual beings, and anxiety over something is so damaging to our spirits. Fight back, and ask Jesus to give you peace!
2 Corinthians 10:5King James Version (KJV)
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
- Wondering what your husband is gonna look like, smell like, kiss like,want for breakfast, lol, are all very normal things. But imagining them ALL THE TIME is dangerous.
- When we conjure up imaginations we are doing so from our carnal minds (flesh), which is, whether we realize it or not, constantly being influenced by our culture & society. So we’re drawing up an ideal man that God isn’t the author of–we are. And how many examples from the Bible do we need on how man can’t be trusted when led by his flesh?! (See Sampson/Abraham/Saul/Aaron/David/Peter/Okay, everybody but Jesus, lol).
- When you fantasize, God usually isn’t in the picture, therefore what you’re dreaming of is from your own line of reasoning. We’ve pretty much already discussed how you don’t know what you need as much as you think you do:-)
- And not to mention, fantasizing all day is a total time waster! I can honestly confirm to you that 1 of the biggest tools of the enemy for women and men of God is DISTRACTION. While we’re sitting up wondering what bae gon’ smell like, we could have written that blog, that book, started that online program, anything!
Keep Looking to Christ
In closing, I pray that my witty bouts of truth were a blessing to you. I have a tremendous heart for women, particularly, young Black women, and can’t help but notice we are the authors behind most of these #dearfuturehusband posts.
Several writers and the media play on the fact that women naturally desire love and companionship a bit more than men, so it’s not surprising to me that this hashtag has become a thing.
But I want you to know, just because they’re serving it, doesn’t mean you have to eat it.
Again, I’m not bashing the movement, nor anyone who participates. However, I do hope I’ve presented to you a point of view that you’ll consider 🙂
A perspective that I truly believe is in line with how someone attempting to live with pure intentions and motives, would at least contemplate.
Finally, know that I’m always praying for you 🙂 Be strong sis, guard your hearts, and always put the trends of this culture against the word of God, the only thing that is real.
Meanwhile, Here’s some links to 2 of my sisters in Christ blogs that have AMAZING and similar content:
Until next time, bye lovaas💋