You Don’t Do What?!

When I was a makeup assistant, I remember one day running up to my mentor and saying, “Omg, did you see the new Roberto Cavalli ad?!  The makeup was #goals, amazing,  insane!”, with so much excitement and zeal.  He gave me a look of obvious lackluster, shrugged, and said, “No, I don’t look at makeup pics or fashion mags.”  I stood there for a few seconds, I’m sure looking like a hit dog, lol, and wondered how 1 of the top makeup artists in thheee world didn’t keep up with ‘the trends’! I mean, seriously??!!

photo credit: giphy.com
photo credit: giphy.com

Addressing the #goals Phenomenon

Fast forward, 2 years later, and I can’t tell you the last time I intentionally looked at a fashion magazine or hip new makeup account. The reason is simple. I want to be sincere in my creativity, organic in my creation process, and don’t want to be bogged down with “inspiration”.  This was his reasoning, and I’ve discovered a lot of artists’ reasoning for doing the same!  Over the last year or so, I’ve seen this phenomenon–a saturation of “inspiration” , or better yet, obsession with #goals.  It’s become a huge monster, that may overwhelm us all, if unaddressed.   Let’s try here:-)

Now, don’t misunderstand, I think being inspired is a beautiful thing.  It took some sort of inspiring catalyst to propel most of us into the things we’ve accomplished in life.  But what I’ve noticed is our (I say our, because I’m a victim of this at times as well) over consumption and albeit insatiable desire to be inspired can get out of hand.  This is an era of surplus.  Surplus in the media, from social platforms, blogs, vlogs, you name it, we’re putting it out there, for the world to see, and…you guessed it: be inspired by, lol.

But how much is too much?  If we wake up every day, and absorb all these #goals, when are we stepping away to actually see what we UNIQUELY can create, what we distinctly need to be content, the things that we can come up with on our own–from just God and our imagination?  Most of us hit up social media early in the day, and pop in & out of it throughout the day, so the scales of inspiration exposure & authentic time spent creating, can’t possibly be balancing out.

How can we achieve balance?  I have some ideas.  The top 3 areas I’ve observed that we spend so much time being inspired by are success, relationships, and body images.  Let’s dig a bit deeper:

1. SUCCESS #goals.

Define Your Own Success

photo credit: Pinterest.com/WowContentClub
photo credit: Pinterest.com/WowContentClub
photo credit: madamenoire.com
photo credit: madamenoire.com

This one is easy to notice.  Trust me, I get it, who doesn’t want to be successful?  Who doesn’t want to wake up in their dream home, with their dream bae, taking pics of perfectly curated meals at posh cafes, and making lotsa dough for working a seemingly effortless & glamorous job?!  

There’s this thing called ‘contentment’, that we all must learn, AS we climb our own ladders to success.  I quite enjoy a motivational podcast or youtube video when I need a kick in the butt towards productivity. However,  I can’t possibly be living in MY truth, if I start paying too much attention to the lives of other people.

If we place other people’s achievements on a mountain top, and say that’s our #goal, we will never be enough.

More than likely, this person will continue to be successful, and the mountain top will magically get higher & higher –with you never being able to catch up! It’s silly, and unnecessarily draining!

Besides, you have no idea HOW  people acquired these things that you’re perceiving to be a by product of ‘success’, nor what they’re doing to keep them, lol (just saying!).  So, let’s commit to watering our own grass, and watching it become greener and greener by the day, because our perspective has leveled up–we’re focused on what God has uniquely designed for each and every one of us!   You define your own success, there is no standard definition!

2.  RELATIONSHIP #goals.

Comparison Is the Enemy!

photo credit: tumblr.com/relationshipgoals3
photo credit: tumblr.com/relationshipgoals3
photo cred: ladywithattitude.com
photo cred: ladywithattitude.com

Okay…this may ruffle a few feathers (but ya’ll know I don’t care lol).  If I don’t agree with something on social media, more likely than not, I simply don’t comment.  This is a trend that truly aggravates me!  What does this even mean, #relationshipgoals ?! lol.  Every relationship is different.  Every relationship is also not made up of the things you see.  Not to say that people can’t be abundantly happy in their relationship (this is certainly possible!), but understand, when bae messes up, they’re not making a status update!  That’s just not how it goes:-) You have no idea what goes on in the privacy of these #goal relationships, nor what they’ve gone through to achieve this visible ‘happiness’.

I feel as though, for women, marriage & being in a relationship is placed so high on the success barometer, that we may be led to make it an idol.  We cannot worship man, nor the idea of having a man!  Why?  Because no man is perfect… ‘cept King Jesus, lol, and you can’t make him bae, so chill out!

Ok, seriously, I understand the desire for companionship, and not just any type of companion–but a partner that treats you well!  But whomever God has for you, will not be like so & so, and your relationship won’t be like so & so’s, neither.  Also, if you glorify the details of a particular couple’s relationship, when you finally do get into your own, you’ll subconsciously be comparing the two, and that’s a recipe for disaster! So, let’s just double tap the cute vacay pics of her & #bae, be thankful that great men do exist, and happy that one of our sisters is enjoying a beautiful love story–-AS we focus on our own, or patiently await it!

3.  BODY #goals.

It’s All About Perspective

photo credit: elle.com
photo credit: elle.com
photo credit: onsizzle.com
photo credit: onsizzle.com

Looking at fitness models’ pictures was a frequent thing for me when I first started my fitness journey.  Like for most of you, it motivated me and made me want to work harder.  While this is fine and pretty normal, we can’t become obsessed with unrealistic expectations for our bodies.

Everyone is made differently, genetics heavily come into play, and we’re biologically unable to achieve some of our body #goals (naturally anyway–no shade, lol).  So, I’m not saying to stop looking at fitness accounts, but I am saying, we should do so without being too hard on ourselves!  As long as we know–without a doubt, that we’re doing our very best and transforming our bodies at our own rates, that should be enough:-)

Watering Our Own Grass

There’ll always be something we don’t like about ourselves.  So what do we do about it?  We become fans of what IS banging on our bodies–and everyone has SOMETHING!  When I got into weight lifting, I dropped a whole cup size, yikes! lol .  But I learned/learninggg ,lol, to love the features about me that aren’t stellar.

Further enhance those strong areas (maybe it’s your butt, your arms, your waistline), while you learn to love the parts that you’re not too thrilled about.

Spoiler alert:  Eventually you will love ALL the parts of you & not tolerate anyone who makes you think you shouldn’t!

I hope this article was thought provoking and in some ways helpful:-) And as I minister to you on these things, I’m preaching to myself as well, lol!  I love the endless possibilities we have at our fingertips due to things like social media and blogs.  However, I also love stepping away from it all, getting really quiet, and observing my OWN life.  There’s something about listening to what God says is uniquely for me, and just enjoying the life I’m currently living–versus always living in the future.

 #Goals are nice.  #Goals can even push us into depths we may not have gone before.  But even #goals must be tamed, as we strive for a healthy balance between reality, and our beloved #inspiration 💜 .

Leave me a comment below, I’d love to hear your thoughts:-) Share this post on your socials if it helped you and you think it may help someone else!

Until next time, bye lovaas💋

coffee + kiss

How to Have a Good Day: Be Intentional

Hey guys!

I hope all of you are having an awesome day!  I’m often complimented for my “peaceful spirit”.  The truth is, I’m just naturally unbothered by most things, lol.  I know what’s important in life, I’m careful about what/who I give my attention to, and I wake up with the INTENTION of having a good day.  Some days I fail, bad….and look around at the catastrophic events of the day like, ‘This can’t be liiiffeeee Lawd?!’, lol.

vma crying gif

But guess what?  I get up the next day, and try again!  We have so much power over our emotions and the things that are thrown at us each day.  Let’s commit to utilizing that power and centering our thoughts & actions in truth.  Beginning with something as simple as what we do every day!  How you start your morning, can set the tone for the next 10-16 hours of your life.  So get yo’ mind right!  I can help you:-)

5 Ways to Have a Good Day:

1. More tranquil alarm sound.

I know this may sound unimportant or even odd to list, but hear me out, mmkay?  I, like many of you, used to have that super loud, screeching, alarm clock tone set in my iPhone.  It would startle me out of my precious zzz’s with SO much alarm, I often had to have a few minutes to catch my breath before hopping out of bed, lol.  When we awaken from our sleep, we’re literally coming out of the most calm state our bodies can possibly be in, into a state of consciousness that will set the tone for the next 10-18 hours of our life. This needs to be a peaceful & smooth transition.  Set the tone for your day with a calm and soothing tone, however, one that’s still, you know, alarming, lol.  This was a game changer for me!  Give it a try for a week, and the whole mood you start your day with will be much more calm.  It’s like you’ll “ease” into your day, versus, being slapped into it 😂.

iphone alarm


I love this one! It's like a soothing, echoing, bell. Check it out if you have an iPhone 6!
I love this one! It’s like a soothing, echoing, bell. Check it out if you have an iPhone 6!

2.  Let your first thought be one of gratitude + the conscious DECISION that you will have a good day.

When I was #younglex , climbing into the bed with my mom, (yes, I slept with my mom for the looongeesstt, lol–dont’ judge me!) eeevvvery morning at the crack of dawn, I would hear a few feet from me a crackly, “thank you Jesus!”.

Fast forward many, many, years later.

As soon as I peel open my raggedy eyes, I thank my Savior for another day.  As cliche as it sounds, it is still a reality, that the breath of life left someone’s body throughout the night, and this day their eyes will never see.

When you wake up, think of something that you’re grateful for.  Whether it be your job, your children, your health, the fact that you’re about to inhale your favorite breakfast sammich–whatever! Just give thanks for something!  Everyone has something to show gratitude for, even if it’s just another day on this earth to figure it all out.

coffee + glasses

3.  Engage in your “routine”.

My morning routine is simple.  I wake, pray, read my Bible & just seek God for the peace I’ll need to get through the day, eat breakfast, and then train.  Nothing elaborate.  But it’s mine:-) And I genuinely love the consistency of it.  It centers me.  It grounds me in both the truth of God, and the truth of who I am, before I head out to deal with aaaallll the components of the day.

Now, your routine doesn’t have to mirror mine.  It should be whatever makes you feel connected to yourself.  Whether that’s reading, journaling, listening to your favorite song, or firing up a motivational podcast/Youtube video.  Maybe even something as simple as eating your breakfast in the same spot every morning, and just reflecting.

bible and journal 1

This space though! I'm nothing without it:-)
This space though! I’m nothing without it:-)

4.  Take 10 minutes of silence to “walk through your day”.

I usually do this while eating my breakfast.  I sit by the window & look out, doing a mental spreadsheet of my day.  Granted, I have a planner, I like to think about my goals for the day beforehand.  Usually, whatever pops into your head before you look at your pre-written plans, is what you truly care about taking care of for the day.

So, try going through your steps: visualize yourself getting dressed/walking out the door/getting on the train or in the car/walking into class or work, etc.  This seemingly minor act, I’ve found to be quite helpful in feeling more in control of my day.  It won’t always go as you ‘saw’ it, but it’s better to have some idea of how your day will pan out, ya feel me?

oatmeal + coffee by window
Gotta love that overcrowded Brooklyn view! lol I love a window though, a little piece of zen in this #concretejungle

drinking coffee on bed

5.  Some type of physical activity.

My favorite part of the day!  Lolligagging at the gymnasium with all my strong strong fraannnds! *Meg Squats voice* lol, (if you don’t know her, you should, click HERE).  If you follow me..well, anywhere, lol, you know I’m all about the fitness.  Working out has changed my life. I go in detail HERE.

But just trust me, moving your body first thing in the AM has several benefits!

  • metabolic rate boost
  • more focus for the day
  • improved mood (them endorphins tho?!😛)
  • the rest of your day will seem like a breeze (bruhh…i just deadlifted 2fiddy, this is nothing😎)

Notice I said physical activity.  So, if slinging iron isn’t your thing–just get to moving.  Do dynamic stretching, jump rope, go for a jog, or just dance around the house to your jam of the week, just get that heart rate up!

When you wanna lift all the weights cuz that's bae:-) lol
When you wanna lift all the weights cuz that’s bae:-) lol

Good Days = Great Weeks

Ok loves, dassit! These are things I practice on my daily, and can attest to being major keys (Khaled voice) for me having a positive outlook 24/7/365.  However, I must confess.  I can’t bottle this up and sell it as the vaccine for horrible/terrible/no good/very bad days (cool points if you remember this lol😏).  How dope would that be though?! 🤔.

Life is unpredictable, and we have to roll with the tides.  BUT, I can assure you a much more peaceful, focused, positive approach to riding out those tides, with practices like the ones outlined above.  CHOOSE to have a great day, choose to be patient with others & the things that drive you crazy, lol, and choose to encourage others to have a better day as well💜  Before you know it, better days will turn into better weeks, and better weeks, equal a year of intentional living.

Until next time, bye lovaas!💋